Only someone who has had a guide dog can possibly understand how penned in and imprisoned you feel when you’re between dogs or can no longer have them.
When my lovely old Esme retired I was living in an unsuitable area – Not for dogs but for me. My heels were sore because of flat feet which caused me to have plantar fasciitis which has now gone and I had to wait to move to Surrey before I could even think of having another dog. I moved two years ago this coming May and had to go back to the slow and laborious white cane. My arm ached and my back ached but most of all my heart ached.
When I lost Esme I lost my eyes. I lost a companion and I lost a loyal friend. I pottered about and only went out when I had to. I didn’t want to go out because it’s so hard with a cane and I felt so blind, groping about in the street, bumping into objects and it seemed to take so long to get anywhere.
Then I had the call that I longed for. A GDMI rang me to tell me that there was a dog for me. I was so anxious to go that the three days’ notice I had didn’t faze me though I was a bit stunned. I trained last October with my fourth dog, Rosa. It hasn’t been without its difficulties. As usual the training was very tiring and I do have a back problem.
When I came home I had news of a bigger flat which would better meet both Rosa’s and my needs and I wasn’t given much time to move. As anyone will tell you, guide dog training is exhausting enough but a move on top while undergoing home training after the initial residential stint is very tiring indeed. I left my keys in the fridge, forgot to turn off the cooker ring once and could hardly take in anything my instructor told me. Then I had an accident to my right foot and tore all the ligaments in it so just as poor Rosa was getting used to me and her new home, she had to go again. While she “played away” but not with another dog as she has been spayed, I hobbled around my new flat, still going to the bathroom instead of the kitchen as the flat is like a mirror image of my other one but a little different again as it has a separate bedroom.
In my despairing and tired state, I told my instructor, Emma, that I didn’t want her and would make do with the sighted PA I have. Then, after a visit from my friend and her guide dog which came to me for fuss, I tearfully rang Emma and told her I couldn’t live without Rosa and that I’d not change my mind again and please may I have her back.
On 6th January, having spent Christmas without my dog, Rosa came home and I worked hard to make up for what I missed as a result of hurting my foot.
Now the home training is almost at an end and I have just one more route to qualify on. Today, as on Saturday and a few times beforehand, I went out to get shopping again on my own and yet not on my own. This lovely, gentle two-year-old Labrador, golden and glorious, faithful and dependable, took me unerringly to every shop I needed to go to today. She walked me through the shopping mall I use in Surrey and I know that without her I wouldn’t even bother going to Marks and Spencer.
When I think of how near I was to losing her because I was so desperately tired and in agony with my foot I shudder. I thought I didn’t have enough heart left to share with or give to another guide dog after my lovely old Esme retired but I find it’s true what people say, namely that the more love you give the more you can give. These dogs ask for so little. All they want is a warm bed, regular meals, a bit of fuss and lots of kindness and in return they restore the independence so prized by and valued by us and so taken for granted by those who see.
When I come home, to relieve the tension for us both after the stress of going out in traffic filled streets, I have what I call “waggley fuss”. All this means is that I play with the dog, tickle her and make her wag her tail while saying to her “Wigoty-wag! You’re a good girl aren’t you”, at which point she dashes round the room like a horse at the Epsom Derby and returns with her poor and batter “Flopsy”, a toy made for her by her kind boarder Barbara who looked after her while I moved and when I hurt my foot. I thought today just how much “Wigoty-wag” sounds like “Liberty Lab”. That just about sums it up – Liberty Lab because Rosa has given me back my liberty and freedom just as Emma has for it was Emma who trained us and who has worked hard with me to see me qualify with this lovely dog. A silent army of people, unsung and yet so valuable, from puppy walkers Tessa and Trevor, to Barbara who looked after Rosa to Emma and those others involved in her training, crept up to my door and unlocked the prison bars of blindness so that I may be free – Free again to go out into a world that I have never been able to see. Every penny you put into a box, hour you give to help in whatever way you can and all the time you give to Guide Dogs will do as much and more for someone else who will one day do as I have done and benefit from their very own liberty Lab. It makes going out in the cold and wet, getting covered in mud and waiting for her to “get busy” on a cold winter’s morning so worthwhile. You may be able to stay in with a cane but a guide dog, while giving you no choice but to go out, means that finally and with ease and confidence, you can go out instead.
(the end)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
SIMON SAID.
About fourteen years ago, when I was using an old Brailler, I had what silly people may call “Perkins” pals (penpals to you and me and anyone else who wants to treat blind people as normal and hate phrases which set us apart like touch tours and clock face descriptions of food).
In those heady days before the invention of a technology I can barely get to grips with, I established a friendship with Simon, a young man who now lives in Scunthorpe, north Lincolnshire. Through a friend of mine I have now re-established contact with Simon and this has thrilled both of us for many reasons.
Since age three months I have been blind but Simon, as well as being blind is deaf. Since my days at school and college I have known a few people who suffer this double sensory loss and, knowing how I rely on my hearing to compensate for my lack of sight, I wonder how I would cope were I in their shoes. The eyes and ears are the umbilical cords connecting us to the rest of the world. Without either your eyes or ears you are in an island state – Your body becoming a prison instead of a vehicle for mobility and social communication.
Many people have decided, from their positions of ignorance and stupidity that it is worse to either be blind or deaf. What I say is that it is worse to be both for then you suffer the problems of both and, just as the mixing of two colours make a third, so do the mixing of two disabilities make a third one, distinct from either of the other two.
Simon told me he had been in hospital – A scary and unnerving experience for anyone. My first thought was:
“How did the nurses communicate with you”? Or
“Did they even communicate with you”?
Hardly anyone knows the manual and the plight of the deaf-blind is never discussed on radio or TV. Where is Simon’s privacy when he needs typetalk to make a phone call?
My last thought as I drifted off to sleep last night was:
“How can I make Simon’s life better”?
The answer isn’t by tut-tutting and saying it’s a shame. The answer isn’t to cry into my pillow thousands of sentimental tears of pity. Today, Simon himself provided the answer and suggested I write this article, telling my story or should I say our story – The story of how we re-established contact, thereby publicising the problems of those doubly handicapped in this way. Words are my business since I am a writer with a blog who has won a short story competition. I love language and words, music and poetry and I cannot imagine life without them so I agreed to do what Simon said. He, from his position of darkness and silence has spoken loudly and clearly to me:
“Help me tell it like it is”.
That was an offer I just could not refuse. His courage, fortitude and sense of humour, displayed from a position of unrelenting adversity, gives me courage and inspiration of my own so let’s all do what Simon says – Namely make the world of those without hearing and sight a more bearable and deaf-blind friendly place.
(The end).
In those heady days before the invention of a technology I can barely get to grips with, I established a friendship with Simon, a young man who now lives in Scunthorpe, north Lincolnshire. Through a friend of mine I have now re-established contact with Simon and this has thrilled both of us for many reasons.
Since age three months I have been blind but Simon, as well as being blind is deaf. Since my days at school and college I have known a few people who suffer this double sensory loss and, knowing how I rely on my hearing to compensate for my lack of sight, I wonder how I would cope were I in their shoes. The eyes and ears are the umbilical cords connecting us to the rest of the world. Without either your eyes or ears you are in an island state – Your body becoming a prison instead of a vehicle for mobility and social communication.
Many people have decided, from their positions of ignorance and stupidity that it is worse to either be blind or deaf. What I say is that it is worse to be both for then you suffer the problems of both and, just as the mixing of two colours make a third, so do the mixing of two disabilities make a third one, distinct from either of the other two.
Simon told me he had been in hospital – A scary and unnerving experience for anyone. My first thought was:
“How did the nurses communicate with you”? Or
“Did they even communicate with you”?
Hardly anyone knows the manual and the plight of the deaf-blind is never discussed on radio or TV. Where is Simon’s privacy when he needs typetalk to make a phone call?
My last thought as I drifted off to sleep last night was:
“How can I make Simon’s life better”?
The answer isn’t by tut-tutting and saying it’s a shame. The answer isn’t to cry into my pillow thousands of sentimental tears of pity. Today, Simon himself provided the answer and suggested I write this article, telling my story or should I say our story – The story of how we re-established contact, thereby publicising the problems of those doubly handicapped in this way. Words are my business since I am a writer with a blog who has won a short story competition. I love language and words, music and poetry and I cannot imagine life without them so I agreed to do what Simon said. He, from his position of darkness and silence has spoken loudly and clearly to me:
“Help me tell it like it is”.
That was an offer I just could not refuse. His courage, fortitude and sense of humour, displayed from a position of unrelenting adversity, gives me courage and inspiration of my own so let’s all do what Simon says – Namely make the world of those without hearing and sight a more bearable and deaf-blind friendly place.
(The end).
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
JOURNEY TO THE LYNNE DISTRICT.
The train bound for the Lynne District is the 1406 from Loggerheads, calling at Upper and Lower Mandible; Stapes and Malleus. Those wishing to travel to the beautiful Islets of Langerhans must take the digestive express, leaving at 0800 AM, calling at Epiglottis; Upper Respiratory Tract; High Dudgeon; passing tnear the Lumbar Region to Upper and Lower Backache; Femur; Tibia and Fibula. Those bound for the phelanges must travel via Clavicle, through the carpal tunnel.
The mid-day train from Braintree also departs from Loggerheads but goes straight through to Meta-tarsals with only a short stop at Rear End.
Those departing for Cilia and Alveoli must go via Sternum and Upper Respiratory Tract.
All trains, including the through train toMeta-tarsals eventually must terminate In Extremis. Passengers are requested to make sure that they do not block up corridors or leave luggage unattended. Have a good trip. Thank you.
The mid-day train from Braintree also departs from Loggerheads but goes straight through to Meta-tarsals with only a short stop at Rear End.
Those departing for Cilia and Alveoli must go via Sternum and Upper Respiratory Tract.
All trains, including the through train toMeta-tarsals eventually must terminate In Extremis. Passengers are requested to make sure that they do not block up corridors or leave luggage unattended. Have a good trip. Thank you.
Monday, March 8, 2010
AS THE TWIG IS BENT.
My gran had many wise proverbs which she used to quote to me, one of which being: “As the twig is bent so the tree shall grow”. This was what she used to say to me when she needed to discipline me for something or when a public scandal or horrific story, such as that concerning Venables and Thompson and little James Bulger was in the news.
While there can be no doubt that what these children did was horrific, there can also be no doubt in my mind that their parents should bear an equal if not greater responsibility for their crime. Yes it is undeniable that ten-year-old children know the difference between right and wrong but only if they have been socialised. I know the difference between pepper and sault when they are in identical pots, and sugar and salt but only because I’ve been told the names, introduced to the sweetness of sugar and the saltiness of salt. The point I make is that these children’s consciences were not honed or even allowed to form.
I remember from my own childhood how one of my siblings (the older one) was not encouraged to be loving and considerate to me. To be loving and considerate; caring and kind to the blind sibling was considered sissy and not particularly macho. As a result the sibling concerned thought it great fun to laugh at me; to tell me my eyes are ugly; to ridicule me as my mother did and to this day has nothing to do with me. What is puzzling though is that my other sibling, younger and more sensitive than the older surviving one, was caring; looked out for me and was protective and kind and I have fond memories of him though we grew apart; he took to drink and is now dead as a result.
What all this tells me is that each of us has a greater or lesser capacity for good and evil within us. My dead brother defied his upbringing to the extent that for much of his childhood he did not adhere to the practise of ridiculing and shunning the disabled one whereas our older sibling did despite having a supposed increased maturity and what should have been an ability to know better. Had we all come from a less dysfunctional family, doubtless we would have all been close and now the final surviving two of us would have been able to take solace in each other’s company and shared past and support one-another into our future.
Had Venables and Thompson, who have carried their own genetic make-up and nature with them, for good or for ill, from childhood into adulthood, been given the stability they needed then it may be that they wouldn’t now need false identities and a poor little boy wouldn’t be dead, leaving behind forever grieving parents.
All those who are quite rightly angry and outraged that these people are now free to possibly do the same again or commit other crimes of equal magnitude should surely, as I am, be outraged that the adults who gave birth to them are not themselves being made to undergo rehabilitation and are not also being subject to intense scrutiny. If they have had other children what has become of them? Have social workers been involved in keeping an eye on their other children and if not why not? How much have they been asked to financially contribute to their offspring’s upkeep and rehabilitation? Most pertinent of all though is, in my view at any rate, why is everyone not equally disgusted and appalled at what their parents have done in terms of damaging these people so much as to make them capable of doing what they did to little James?
When you have a child who is bad at maths or English, he has to work harder and you have to work harder to make him as good at it as he can be. When my older sibling showed an unkindness greater than the sum of their kindness, harder work needed to go in to minimise and frown upon that unkindness and teach that it was unacceptable. Had that happened to Venables and Thompson at the age they needed it – When the twigs they were started to grow the wrong way, maybe the trees they grew into wouldn’t now be so poisonous. I fear that now at least one of them is far too damaged to ever live outside in ordinary society but I hang onto the hope that Robert’s kinder self, if he has one, proves to be like my brother’s was and he becomes able to overcome his damaged past. What I know for certain is that if these children had been parented properly, James would now be the adult he was born to be and Denise and Ralph, his loving parents wouldn’t be forever mourning his loss as they are now forced to. While our sympathies and thoughts should always be with them, our anger and revulsion should maybe begin with Thompson and Venables but shouldn’t end there but instead should end with the apologies for parents that these children were saddled with.
(The end).
While there can be no doubt that what these children did was horrific, there can also be no doubt in my mind that their parents should bear an equal if not greater responsibility for their crime. Yes it is undeniable that ten-year-old children know the difference between right and wrong but only if they have been socialised. I know the difference between pepper and sault when they are in identical pots, and sugar and salt but only because I’ve been told the names, introduced to the sweetness of sugar and the saltiness of salt. The point I make is that these children’s consciences were not honed or even allowed to form.
I remember from my own childhood how one of my siblings (the older one) was not encouraged to be loving and considerate to me. To be loving and considerate; caring and kind to the blind sibling was considered sissy and not particularly macho. As a result the sibling concerned thought it great fun to laugh at me; to tell me my eyes are ugly; to ridicule me as my mother did and to this day has nothing to do with me. What is puzzling though is that my other sibling, younger and more sensitive than the older surviving one, was caring; looked out for me and was protective and kind and I have fond memories of him though we grew apart; he took to drink and is now dead as a result.
What all this tells me is that each of us has a greater or lesser capacity for good and evil within us. My dead brother defied his upbringing to the extent that for much of his childhood he did not adhere to the practise of ridiculing and shunning the disabled one whereas our older sibling did despite having a supposed increased maturity and what should have been an ability to know better. Had we all come from a less dysfunctional family, doubtless we would have all been close and now the final surviving two of us would have been able to take solace in each other’s company and shared past and support one-another into our future.
Had Venables and Thompson, who have carried their own genetic make-up and nature with them, for good or for ill, from childhood into adulthood, been given the stability they needed then it may be that they wouldn’t now need false identities and a poor little boy wouldn’t be dead, leaving behind forever grieving parents.
All those who are quite rightly angry and outraged that these people are now free to possibly do the same again or commit other crimes of equal magnitude should surely, as I am, be outraged that the adults who gave birth to them are not themselves being made to undergo rehabilitation and are not also being subject to intense scrutiny. If they have had other children what has become of them? Have social workers been involved in keeping an eye on their other children and if not why not? How much have they been asked to financially contribute to their offspring’s upkeep and rehabilitation? Most pertinent of all though is, in my view at any rate, why is everyone not equally disgusted and appalled at what their parents have done in terms of damaging these people so much as to make them capable of doing what they did to little James?
When you have a child who is bad at maths or English, he has to work harder and you have to work harder to make him as good at it as he can be. When my older sibling showed an unkindness greater than the sum of their kindness, harder work needed to go in to minimise and frown upon that unkindness and teach that it was unacceptable. Had that happened to Venables and Thompson at the age they needed it – When the twigs they were started to grow the wrong way, maybe the trees they grew into wouldn’t now be so poisonous. I fear that now at least one of them is far too damaged to ever live outside in ordinary society but I hang onto the hope that Robert’s kinder self, if he has one, proves to be like my brother’s was and he becomes able to overcome his damaged past. What I know for certain is that if these children had been parented properly, James would now be the adult he was born to be and Denise and Ralph, his loving parents wouldn’t be forever mourning his loss as they are now forced to. While our sympathies and thoughts should always be with them, our anger and revulsion should maybe begin with Thompson and Venables but shouldn’t end there but instead should end with the apologies for parents that these children were saddled with.
(The end).
Monday, March 1, 2010
DEADLY DENIAL.
I don’t know how many children will have to be cruelly treated before we accept that evil exists and that some people are personifications of it. Here we have yet again the tragic story of a poor little girl of seven who was starved to death in her own home. She was one of five children who were cruelly treated by walking organisms who hardly deserve the title “people”.
I find it very odd that however many do-gooders make excuses for these apologies for humanity, nobody ever asks the question: “Why is it that despite being depressed their equipment below their waists works very well”? It works so well in fact that they can turn out child after child and not be the slightest bit adequate or humane when it comes to treating any or all of them properly.
When these individuals are sentenced I sincerely hope, though I fear I hope in vain, that they will be imprisoned for life and that life means what it says. Under no circumstances should they ever be in a position to reproduce again and neither should they be allowed ever to care for their remaining children or stepchildren.
If animals had been treated like this poor child was there would be an outcry audible from one end of the UK to the other. Neighbours must have had their suspicions so if they didn’t speak out why didn’t they? Maybe they thought nobody would listen to them and I daresay they are right. With society’s emphasis and sympathy being on and for the perpetrators of crime and wickedness instead of the poor souls who are survivors and victims of it, probably they thought it was better to turn two blind eyes since it’s likely that everyone else would turn deaf ears.
If it wasn’t so tragic I’d laugh – Not at the little girl’s appalling suffering but the emptiness of the hollow words: “We must see that this never happens again and must learn lessons from it”.
Until we acknowledge that there is pure evil in some people just as there is an overwhelming amount of good in others, we will carry on misdiagnosing their wrongs, thereby leaving the field clear for others of their ilk to do as they did.
I’ve known people with depression and suffered it myself. What I know of it is that I didn’t want people near me. Banging out child after child whom I was going then to abuse didn’t figure in my thinking. Ill treating any of my lovely guide dogs didn’t either. Walking around in tears; drinking too much; worrying when I hurt other people by accidentally opening doors into their faces because I couldn’t see that they were on the other side of them did and so did acknowledging that I needed help and going alone to my doctors to get it, carrying a white cane. It must be in you to do what these monsters did to this child. It’s all about the abuse of power, being thick and inadequate and unable to make a success of the life you’ve been given and seeking to get your kicks by causing another’s suffering. If these walking examples of pure evil and wickedness ever get the chance to reproduce again, we’ll be hearing about them on the news once more when more of their poor unfortunate children have been murdered at their ruthless and barbaric hands. Mark my words, what you do you’ve always done and what you’ve done you’ll do again. Surely I can’t be the only person intelligent enough to understand this. If I really am, then God help the children of the future because it seems very clear to me that human beings in what passes for authority in this ramshackle society most certainly won’t. There’s a string of names in my memory, going back to Maria Colwell; Jasmine Beckford and many more to prove that. No wonder Pete Seger asked the question “When will they ever learn”?
I find it very odd that however many do-gooders make excuses for these apologies for humanity, nobody ever asks the question: “Why is it that despite being depressed their equipment below their waists works very well”? It works so well in fact that they can turn out child after child and not be the slightest bit adequate or humane when it comes to treating any or all of them properly.
When these individuals are sentenced I sincerely hope, though I fear I hope in vain, that they will be imprisoned for life and that life means what it says. Under no circumstances should they ever be in a position to reproduce again and neither should they be allowed ever to care for their remaining children or stepchildren.
If animals had been treated like this poor child was there would be an outcry audible from one end of the UK to the other. Neighbours must have had their suspicions so if they didn’t speak out why didn’t they? Maybe they thought nobody would listen to them and I daresay they are right. With society’s emphasis and sympathy being on and for the perpetrators of crime and wickedness instead of the poor souls who are survivors and victims of it, probably they thought it was better to turn two blind eyes since it’s likely that everyone else would turn deaf ears.
If it wasn’t so tragic I’d laugh – Not at the little girl’s appalling suffering but the emptiness of the hollow words: “We must see that this never happens again and must learn lessons from it”.
Until we acknowledge that there is pure evil in some people just as there is an overwhelming amount of good in others, we will carry on misdiagnosing their wrongs, thereby leaving the field clear for others of their ilk to do as they did.
I’ve known people with depression and suffered it myself. What I know of it is that I didn’t want people near me. Banging out child after child whom I was going then to abuse didn’t figure in my thinking. Ill treating any of my lovely guide dogs didn’t either. Walking around in tears; drinking too much; worrying when I hurt other people by accidentally opening doors into their faces because I couldn’t see that they were on the other side of them did and so did acknowledging that I needed help and going alone to my doctors to get it, carrying a white cane. It must be in you to do what these monsters did to this child. It’s all about the abuse of power, being thick and inadequate and unable to make a success of the life you’ve been given and seeking to get your kicks by causing another’s suffering. If these walking examples of pure evil and wickedness ever get the chance to reproduce again, we’ll be hearing about them on the news once more when more of their poor unfortunate children have been murdered at their ruthless and barbaric hands. Mark my words, what you do you’ve always done and what you’ve done you’ll do again. Surely I can’t be the only person intelligent enough to understand this. If I really am, then God help the children of the future because it seems very clear to me that human beings in what passes for authority in this ramshackle society most certainly won’t. There’s a string of names in my memory, going back to Maria Colwell; Jasmine Beckford and many more to prove that. No wonder Pete Seger asked the question “When will they ever learn”?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)