MORE PHYSIOTERROR!

Well we’re now into what the Americans refer to as “The Fall” and to be honest that’s what I wanted to do when I came home from the hospital today – Fall into a chair and go into a deep, deep coma! Not one of those terrible life threatening things which come after trauma or accident but a coma induced by exhaustion but I’m afraid food doesn’t get itself and neither do freezers defrost themselves and both needed my attention badly.

I looked suitably apprehensive as the physio whose strength could uproot trees, electricity pylons and houses and that’s just with his right hand! Said in his calm voice:

“Now let’s loosen this back up shall we”?

He rightly said to me:

“I know you don’t like this bit”,

To which I could do nothing but heartily agree. I was imagining people dancing up and down in their hobnail boots all over my vertebrae while someone put on the disco music while others went to the bar for drinks and nibbles. After the “physio foxtrot” performed with great skill and pain he started the physiokey cokey

“He pushed my left foot in, my left foot out then the right, then the left and shook them all about” by which time the only bit able to move with ease was my tongue but that doesn’t change not even when under a general anaesthetic! Then he asked:

“Have you got your dog back yet”?

“No”,

I replied weakly.

“She’s living it up somewhere being spoiled rotten while I’m being retuned, restructured and disassembled. She’s wagging her tail while you’re waggling my toes. However, she’s on all fours and so am I now”.

“We can’t have that now can we? Well if you get her back again soon do bring her in with you. I love Labradors”.

He said with real enthusiasm.

By now my wits had dulled. Had they not I may have suggested that, since she does the seeing for me maybe she’d like the physio too. He could have tug-of-war with Ragga the second – A nice new toy bought to replace her old one or, with four legs he’s got some more lower limbs he could play with while I sit there saying:

“You know this is really doing me good. I can feel it”!

I’m pleased to say that there is a slight improvement in that my heels weren’t so painful when he pressed and tweaked. Just for good measure and in case I become gored at home he sneaked in another exercise and said I should get on the bottle. Now this is where I pricked up my ears and produced a twisted smile of satisfaction till he told me that: “Getting on the bottle” in this case meant filling a milk bottle with water and putting it in the freezer and then rolling it beneath my feet in it’s chillblain producing state for fifteen minutes! Yes I do know it shouldn’t go directly onto the skin.

I could never have contemplated defrosting the freezer two weeks ago because it’s low down and to kneel would have been very painful as the position my heels would have had to assume would have really hurt but although I am still in a degree of discomfort it does seem to be easing a little. I can’t quite hear the sound of Esme’s bell in my mind as she comes wagging and jumping all over me again; threatening to floor me and have me in intensive care but there is light at the end of the tunnel which makes all this “ooing” and “ouching” worthwhile

My freezer is now defrosted and when I mopped up with the towels I wasn’t sure if the large puddle that had accumulated resulted from the melted ice or the outpourings of tears of agony resulting from the morning’s torture! I’ll leave you to decide while I limp off to get lunch!.