MOURNING DOVES AND BRANDY MANHATTONS.

I’ve been abroad three times in my life – Once to South Africa with my grandmother as a child. On the trip I learned all kinds of things – That portholes on ships are round; I touched one. That the Engine room is hot (The Captain said I could go all over the ship so I could get some idea of its size); That there are rails round the edges of the tables to stop everything flying off as the ship rolled and that it felt as if I was going up sideways in the cable car when we went up Table Mountain which has a restaurant on the top.

I learned a lot of unpleasant things on that trip too – That black people were treated as servants and lived in corrugated huts, separated from their “masters”, and even at around age twelve felt a sense of injustice that this should be so. One black lady had a little baby which she carried on her back. Perhaps it’s with hindsight that I now remember a sense of guilt that I, a blind white child was taken to the hearts of the South Africans I met where as this black child would be destined for a life of servitude. I’m sure, human nature being what it is I paid far more attention to my feeling of celebrity than theirs of confinement and low status in their own country. Now though I realise that when people say:

“What’s the point of a blind person going abroad? One pavement’s the same as another and so is each room surely”?

I can say:

“A lot of point. Look what I learned from that experience. Far more than reading about apartheid or hearing about it on the news”.

I was heartily thankful when the system ended and never thought I’d live to see it fall.

Then I went to Lourdes. Actually I think I went to Lourdes before South Africa and came back blind of course – A terrible disappointment but there you are. Here I learned another wonderful lesson which was how the different groups of disabled children helped; felt for and looked out for each other. There were two children there who were brother and sister – Both deaf. The boy, Michael, was eleven and the little girl, Tracy was seven. She constantly held my hand and he would run up to me to guide me somewhere. So I’d know it was him he tapped me on the hand with one hand while holding my hand in his. Neither of these children could speak and I devised my own system of communication with them. I put a hand on whose ever head I was talking to if you’re with me and ask questions requiring the answer:

“Yes”,

Or:

“No

If I felt the head nod or go from side to side I knew what they meant. The poor little girl wouldn’t eat anything she didn’t recognise as British food.

The helpers were lovely as far as I can remember especially Miss J, who was mine. I think I used to make her laugh. There were three priests who were brothers as well as Fathers and although I am now a very lapsed Catholic because I’ve endured and seen too many others endure too much suffering to believe in a loving god who has my interests at heart, I do realise we’re more than just eating; sleeping and excreting organisms. We have a vital life force which transcends suffering and wants to go on living despite it in many cases. I learned my morals from my grandmother and the church whose teaching on abortion I agree with though not to the extent that a mother should be allowed to die rather than undergo one and I don’t see anything wrong with the “rhythm” method of contraception as it seems irresponsible to produce children you can’t cope with and morally wrong to have them if you don’t want them. My mother didn’t want them and oh how I suffered as a result of that, along with my sister.

When I went to America about twenty-four years ago I stayed with a blind friend’s Mom. There I learned just how different their terminology is: “Faucet” (tap) “Fall” (Autumn) “Side walk” (Pavement) “Apartment” (flat) “Seeing eye dog” (guide dog) and probably many other terms besides. There I was struck by the different birds there are. This is something I’d not thought of, only hearing British birds and those who migrate here. For the first time I heard mourning doves and immediately asked my host what they were.

This lady was by then elderly and her daughter, my friend who had emigrated to Britain because she loved the Beatles, had been blinded by too much oxygen in a premature baby unit, same as I was. Her Mom worried about her; Wanted the best for her; wondered each time she went back to Britain whether she’d ever see her again and so on – Just like my Nan worried about me except that of course I lived much nearer to her but she was getting old too. Most of all they worried about how we would cope after their deaths. I learned too just how good Peg’s Brandy Manhattans were.

We stayed also with school friends of J’s and they were extremely capable blind people who had children and lived in Madison. I was there a month all told and also what struck me is just how big the States are! You fly everywhere.

I think the most valuable lesson I learned though was that people are the same the world over. We long for people to love us; for people to make us feel good about ourselves and forgive us when we err; we want the best for our children if we’re normal and only those who are not don’t and above all most of us want to live in peace and be happy. Only the generals and power hungry leaders of the world want to take us into wars which they organise for their own ends because they refuse to see that the world belongs to all of us.

Still think a blind person can’t learn anything by going abroad? Think again brother. It ain’t true. I may not be able to tell you about the scenery in any of these places and didn’t come home loaded down with photos except from Lourdes where I obtained photos and a view finder for the sake of my Nan who told me all the disabled children were laid out in the shape of a cross. I may have returned home blind but I came home from all three places having had my eyes opened I can tell you. We can all learn from life if we choose to or go through it with blinkers on and inner sight; foresight and hindsight though not much use when you need to get to the shops or see if your clothes are clean helps in your dealings with others and contributes to an understanding of yourself.