MARKET RESEARCH

Do you envy or could you throttle those people who carry out surveys?

It must be a soul destroying job. Many’s the time I’ve been nobbled on the phone and wanted to kill them so one day I decided to get my own back.

When I lived in another part of town I had an entry phone on my wall so I’d not have to open the door to the caller who could see at once that I’m not as other people! She buzzed it one evening when I was a bit bored and began:

“Hullo, I’m doing market research into people’s viewing habits”.

Thinking to myself:

“Great! I can have a great time with this one”,

I said:

“Are you love! Well you’re a long way from a market. This is suburbia and there’s not a shop for quite a way”.

“You don’t understand. Market research means asking people what their viewing habits are or whatever to assess what we call the market place – So we can feed the information back to the people paying us so they can see if there’s a market for their products. Tell me have you got a television”?

“Yes indeed I have”.

I had a sound receiving only gadget which I bought (costing an arm and a leg which is how come I hop around) from a well known charity for the blind.

“Can you tell me then what programmes you watch”?

“None”,

I tell her truthfully.

“Do you mean you don’t like most of what’s on there? By the way it would be nice if you opened your front door and we could speak face to face”. “No it wouldn’t”,

I thought.

“That’d really give the game away”.

“Yes I have it on. Isn’t Coronation Street good? And Brookside. They’ve just found the body under the patio”.

“I thought you said you didn’t watch television”?

“That’s right I don’t. I’ve drilled a hole in my neighbour’s wall, turned the screen towards her side of it and she tells me what’s going on while I get on with my knitting”.

“I think we’ve got a right nutter here”,

she said under her breath. She was about to walk away when I said:

“Oh now don’t be like that. I promise to be good”.

I had her now like a cat with a mouse which had promised to let it go before it killed it completely instead of just leaving it half dead. Her voice brightened.

“Well then Madam what do you like best on television?”

“The silent films”,

I said. “I’m as blind as a bat”.

With that she said:

“To make fun of people worse off than you is not funny”.

With that she stomped off and my fun was over. (Shame)!