SAUSAGE DOG

There are days when I despair! It’s people you know – them and my advantage taking, crafty old Labrador. She, along with all the other guide dogs I know have an eye to the main chance and her mind on food. Apparently this has happened to quite a few blind people who may think I nicked the story. Now would I?

“Does your dog do the shopping for you”?

Asked a woman in a voice you could hear in Newcastle if you were in Cornwall.

“Indeed she does”,

I lied, intending to take full advantage of this woman’s gullibility.

“Oh how marvellous! Aren’t they wonderful”?

She piped into my right ear making it necessary for me to get a hearing aid

“Pardon did you say something”?

Thankfully only kidding about the hearing aid anyway let me not digress. I told her about the time I went complete with Hairy Horror to the butcher’s.

“What d’ya want love? Nice pork chop is it”?

“Actually just a couple of rashers please (unsmoked bacon, doctor’s orders damn him)”.

“Righto then darlin’ that’ll be ‘’’’’’”

(can’t remember now but I do remember re-mortgaging the house and thanking god the bank gave me a loan). As we left there was laughter. It started as a giggle and then a bigger giggle. In the end I was the only one with a straight face. We crossed the road and as I bent down to praise the dog for getting me to safety I found, hanging from her mouth a long line of sausages.

“You little b ‘’’’’”

I said to her. Back we had to go so I could pay for stuff I couldn’t even eat now. The butcher was still laughing.

This was many years ago when I had a dog named wheat! Actually she was a retriever and I bless Guide Dogs for giving her such a food oriented name. I blessed her too every day of her life – For being my best pal; for guiding me safely and for not quite bringing home the bacon.