I’ve done a bit of speaking for Guide Dogs over the years – A bit of speaking! Whenever do I only do a bit of speaking? I could outdo Ken Dodd in the “keep you captive while I natter” stakes. People can’t afford to phone me and only come round if they have maternity leave length time off work!
Anyway I once went to this pub to receive this cheque from these magnificent folks who raised money for Guide Dogs. There I was praying that Wheat would be a good girl and not run off with some train driver or guard; Not nick any food and not get drunk while at the same time I was praying that I may have a couple of drinks, shake hands nicely with a guard or a train driver who may say:
“Wanna blind date with me love”?
Neither thing happened which was terribly disappointing so it was home alone with my unpredictable Retriever who of course got all the fuss. Before that sad moment came the time also came to thank the good people for their generosity so I did so in the only way I knew how and the best way for employees of the railway whose unintelligible messages about train delays and cancellations issue forth from their loud speaker systems each day:
“oeoeoeoe I er ioioio haaaaaaaa to for your ooooooooo kind ooooooo osity thank you”!
The whole place was in an uproar! For one, just one, golden moment I stole the show from my dog as these guys laughed at me till they cried. For greater effect I held my nose as I came out with this unintelligible drivel. Far from feeling insulted they took it in good part and then as is everybody’s wont, returned to fussing the dog as the blind owner slips quietly into the background while the real star of the show is applauded. Quite right to!
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