WARREN.

The day was appropriately wet and bleak when Penny Palmer found out the truth about her mother and her boyfriend.

Irene Palmer had cleaned the house, got enough food in to feed an army and dug out all the best china and table cloths. She hardly ever saw her daughter’s boyfriends – Not since Penny had moved to Hereford. She knew this time it must be serious even though her daughter was only twenty-two. In Irene’s view this was still too young to be married but if she said so there would doubtless be an almighty row just like the ones about high heels, too much make up and loud music when Penny was living at home. How well she remembered those days. There were times when she thought the ceiling would fall down because the music was so loud and vibrated so much. She had a couple of hours to kill before their arrival and decided to take a trip down memory lane. She dug out the old photos she had which were carefully preserved in her album – Penny as a baby, as a little girl, as a teenager and now as a young woman – Days at the seaside, pictures of her own family and parents who had been Victorian in their attitudes and morals and the only one of the little boy which she had rescued from her mother’s attempts to obliterate from the family history. A tear ran down her weather beaten face as she recalled the memory and stared at the photo. Hastily she put it back in its place, looked at the rest and remembered. Then she went onto the ones of Bill, her husband who had been killed in action during the Second World War. He’d never seen his little girl or had arguments with her about the blaring music or the excessive make up. He’d never held her on his knee and played with her and would not be there to give her away if this relationship was serious as Irene suspected it may well be. Suddenly the ring on the bell made her drop the photos she had been looking through all over the floor. They tipped out of their places in the album when she dropped it.

He first saw her on the College campus – A stunning girl if ever there was one. Exceptionally tall and hour glass thin, Penny Palmer was enough to turn the head of any man. Warren Lomax couldn’t and didn’t take his eyes off her and hastily went up to her and introduced himself, offering in an old fashioned way to carry her books for her as if they were fourth form school kids. She smiled rather shyly and introduced herself, feeling the same degree of attraction towards him as he did towards her. They clicked at once and from then on went out together like inseparable twins. Within a matter of months – Even before each had met the other’s family they were engaged. They’d made love several times as people do these days and probably always have done though now it’s more openly talked about. “Mum will just love you”, Penny told him though he was terrified of meeting her mother. “Mum will just love you too”, he assured her though she was equally nervous at the prospect of meeting his. Now the time was here she could feel the butterflies in her stomach but knew her mother would take to him at once. Sometimes she thought how much like her dad he was- The dad she’d never known but of whom her mother endlessly talked and whose photos Penny had seen a thousand times or more. The footsteps padding along the hall just before the door opened told Penny the waiting was almost over and she introduced them with all the enthusiasm of a small child bringing home her best friend. “This is Warren Lomax, mum. Warren, this is my mum, Irene.” Irene almost fainted at the sight of him but composed herself quickly as she shook the outstretched hand and invited them both inside.

“Didn’t you like him”? Penny asked after their evening together was over. “Of course I did love”, her mother said in an unconvincing manner rather like that which people use when lying about a dress that doesn’t suit a dear friend whom they don’t wish to offend. “Well you couldn’t take your eyes off him that’s for sure”, her daughter remarked. “Well he’s an attractive young man”, her mother replied. “You ought to be past that sort of thing, mum. Seriously though something’s wrong isn’t it”? “No dear not at all. I just don’t think you should pin all your hopes on one person. You’re still very young you know. There’s plenty of time to settle down and there’s your future to think of. It was different in my day. We were encouraged to marry early and settle down to a life at the kitchen sink and the cradle but not so with you. You can play the field, have a career. I don’t mean you should sleep around just choose from a number of people rather than jump on the first one who takes your fancy”. “Oh Mum you are funny! The way you talk you’d think I’d never had a boyfriend before. Warren isn’t the first guy I’ve gone out with you know”. Irene wanted to ask her if they’d been lovers but knew she just couldn’t and that even if she did she’d likely as not get no answer. She knew that if they had been they must never be allowed to be ever again.

Alice Lomax was still up when Warren came in. “Mum, we need to talk”, was all he said as he flopped down on the sofa beside her as she did her knitting. “Did you have a nice evening dear”? She said, fearing another scene about her waiting up for him. Jerry always sided with him too and if he came down and joined in the tirade she’d be out numbered as per usual. “No. Well I mean yes. Pen’s mum was nice but it wasn’t that. It was something I saw while I was there. I pinched it and brought it home. Here! Look at this”. He produced two photos – One of an older man and the other of a little boy – A little baby boy. Alice put down her knitting and stared at them. “It says on the back of this one: ‘my little Warren, the boy I shall never forget’” “You’ve always known you were adopted”, Alice said. “Yes but look who my mother must have been? Can’t you see what this means? I’ve fallen in love with my sister for heaven’s sake mother”! “You’ll wake your father”, Alice said, holding a finger to her mouth. She knew though as she stared at the photo of the man that he was absolutely right – That there could be no room for doubt.

Penny was becoming moody and sullen. Warren was ignoring her – Cooling off. Of course it was obvious. He’d found another girl – Either that or he was bi-sexual and she didn’t think that very likely – No it was obvious. She wasn’t sleeping now and hardly eating either. Her work was suffering and she looked a mess – A far cry from the stunning attractive girl whom everyone longed to take out and date. It was ever since that meeting between her mother and Warren that things had started going wrong. She rang her mum and asked if she could come home. It was term time but she told her mother that she was ill and needed to get away for a bit. Her mother seemed reluctant to agree, telling her she had things to do, people to see. Penny put the phone down, puzzled but so unhappy as not to think about it further.

“Come in Warren”, Irene said, taking his hand and leading him down the hall as if he were blind. As they sat opposite each other he wordlessly handed back the pictures he’d taken from under the chair on the night they first met. “Please tell me everything”, he said. “Well Bill and I were both just fifteen. We loved each other from the time we were in primary school, right through into senior school. My mother especially was very Victorian in her attitudes and when I got pregnant after the one and only time we ever did it, she made me give up the baby – You I mean. A nurse took a photo of you which mother said she’d destroy if she found it and she did too but luckily I had a copy made in case she did – A copy which I smuggled out of the hospital by stuffing it down into my underwear. Your name was never mentioned again and all I had to remind me of you was that photograph. As soon as possible I got away from home and married Bill. By the time Penny came along Bill was dead – Killed in action during the Second World War You were never far from my thoughts but somehow I never got round to telling her about you even though you shared the same father and weren’t the product of some grubby little affair I’d had in some back alley. Tell me about yourself, what your life’s been like and how you’ve fared”? “Well I’ve always known I was adopted. ‘Mum’ and ‘Dad’ never kept it from me. They never even changed my given name from what it was on the birth certificate and although I had my surname changed to Lomax and knew Penny’s name was Palmer I never connected it. It’s a common enough name after all isn’t it? I always wanted to be a teacher and when I landed the job at Hereford I was pleased. I took one look at Penny – Another thing that’s against the rules – And fell for her at once. I realise now of course that it’s impossible – That we can’t go on being lovers or seeing each other because for one thing it’s against the law and for another it’s not moral but I don’t know how to end it, how to tell her that the only girl I’m ever likely to love – That I have ever loved is my sister”. By this time the two of them were in each other’s arms and in tears. “Oh Warren I’m so sorry! Bill and I caused such heartache both to ourselves and now to you two and all because we loved each other too”. Neither of them heard the key Penny had to her mother’s house being inserted into the lock, they were in such a state and by the time she burst in upon them, holding each other and sobbing, it was too late for them to pull apart.

“You bitch! You bitch!” She screamed at her mother. “So that’s it! That’s why he’s been going cold on me. That’s why he’s been refusing to see me any more! Well I knew he had another woman. He just had to have but I didn’t know it was you! You! You! Above all people you! What is it with you? Is it because he looks like dad? Are you hankering after your lost youth or just feeling sex starved? Perhaps you’re developing Alzheimer’s disease and going senile! Perhaps you think I’m your mother and you’re my daughter! What the hell is it then? Tell me! Tell me! I have a bloody right to know”! She threw herself between the sobbing couple, grabbing handfuls of her mother’s hair and scratching Warren’s face as she fought with them, shrieked at them and hit out at them both verbally and physically. Only the words – The tear filled, half sobbed, heart breaking words, barely audible yet all too clear: “Warren is my son. Warren is your brother”, stopped her in her tracks and left her frozen to the spot. As gently as she could, their mother told her the whole story from beginning to end – The story which Penny should have been told years ago. At the end Penny, white faced and trembling, stared into the eyes and face of the man whose older self she’d seen so often in her mother’s photographs and wondered why she’d never seen the similarity before.

The day was bleak and wet when Penny finally said “Goodbye” to her brother. She and her mother had gone with him to the air port to wave him off. He held them each in turn as they tearfully waited for him to board his plane to America. He gave them each a photo of himself – For one, a memento of a past they had briefly had as lovers and a reminder of a forbidden future and for the other a memento of an updated story of a forbidden past denied her by over strict and judgemental parents. When their “goodbyes” were said and the two women silently walked home after Warren’s plane departed Irene was the first to break the sorrowful, leaden silence: “I’ve lost him twice Penny. You’ve only lost him once. I’m getting old now and may never see him again. Please find it in your heart to forgive me. You are all I have.” The girl looked hard into her mother’s face and said: “Who’s counting? Loss is loss isn’t it? No matter how many times you lose and how many things you lose? Loss is loss”. Within days each had a separate letter containing identical wording: “Arrived safe. Missing you both enormously. Love you loads. Wish I could be with you. All my love, Warren”.

(The end).